Training for Togetherness (Part 1)
Networks as Dojos for Relational Skillbuilding
In a world of increasing tension, polarization, and conflict, some days it seems like we have forgotten how to engage in meaningful dialogue, to hear one another, and build bridges. We hear calls in the media for compassion, respect, and understanding, and it feels like all we have seen in the first half of 2025 are global events moving in the opposite direction. Beneath the surface of our social sphere, something deeper is eroding: our collective social intelligence.
Yet all is not lost. Networks offer a powerful antidote; a potent way to recover our losses, to rebuild the once common social skills and relational capacities we dearly need. But networks offer more than tools for connection. They can also be spaces of intentional practice.
We think of them as social dojos.
In Japanese, dojo means “a place of the way”—a space for intentional learning, where people come together to practice meditation or martial arts, building both inner and outer capacities to engage well with others. Dojos emphasize particular ways of being, principles designed to develop moral values, character, and skill through discipline and mutual respect.
In the same spirit, we believe networks can become dojos for social intelligence, places to reawaken civil dialogue, mutual care, and healthy relational norms. We believe in amplifying the capabilities of network leaders so that they can facilitate meaningful spaces for people to practice relating to others. We believe that participating in well facilitated networks cultivate the social capacities that are essential for us to address the many complex challenges we face, and co-create collective flourishing.
What’s going on?
Over the past 30 years, the internet and digital technologies have quietly reshaped how we relate to one another. Where people once spent 4–5 hours a day in face-to-face conversation, that number has now dropped to just 1–2 hours (Pew Research Center, 2018; Putnam, 2000). Instead, much of our time is spent texting, scrolling, and interacting through screens. Researchers like Sherry Turkle and Jean Twenge have shown how this shift—especially among young people—is making real-time conversations less common, and more uncomfortable.
“If we exercised 20 hours less per week, we’d expect our physical health to decline. The same is happening to our social and emotional wellbeing.”
Think about it: that’s 20 fewer hours of live conversation every week. But it’s not just talk we’re losing—it’s connection, learning, and shared meaning. If we exercised 20 hours less per week, we’d expect our physical health to decline. The same is happening to our social and emotional wellbeing. Many people, especially teens, are feeling isolated, overwhelmed, and under-equipped to manage stress. Conflict is up. Our ability to focus, empathize, and solve problems together is fading.
In many cultures, wisdom, values, and identity have long been passed down through everyday dialogue. These informal conversations—often across generations—served as mentorship, cultural continuity, and belonging. But as face-to-face time shrinks, so does this rich exchange. In its place, fragmented, screen-based culture is flattening our identities and weakening the threads of connection that hold us together.
And we forget: human connection is biological. When we talk in person, our bodies exchange subtle signals—eye contact, tone, gestures. Mirror neurons fire. Our nervous systems co-regulate. These interactions reduce stress and anxiety, boost immune function, and strengthen emotional resilience (Cole, 2014; Porges, 2011; Cohen et al.,1997). In-person conversations are a kind of medicine.
They also build trust and belonging. Honest, present dialogue helps us regulate emotions, deepen empathy, and form secure relationships. There are also cognitive benefits like improved memory and better perspective taking. Generative conversations sharpen our focus, expand our thinking, and support the kind of creative problem-solving we need now more than ever.
But it's not just our time together that’s slipping away—it’s our shared spaces and our sense of being social creatures. The pandemic shuttered many of our gathering places, and while some things reopened, much of our connection remains digital. We meet in squares on screens, not in rooms, fully embodied, sensing and responding to each other. And, as AI increasingly shapes our daily lives, it’s easy to forget what makes human interaction so distinct—and so essential.
That’s where the concept of the dojo comes in. What if we treated our networks, communities, and conversations like social dojos? Spaces to train together—to strengthen the relational muscles we’ve neglected, recover what’s been lost, and rebuild the shared social intelligence we need to thrive.
What makes up social intelligence?
The concepts that began to define social intelligence and associated research in psychology and sociology were first formulated a century ago in the 1920s. They became prominent in the 1990s with Howard Gardner’s multiple-intelligences, Daniel Goleman’s development of social-emotional intelligence, and Richard Boyatzis’ work on leadership and transformational change, to highlight a few.
Newer voices, like Minna Salami, add depth and dimensionality by recognizing the holistic, kaleidoscopic nature of knowledge. Her recent book, Sensuous Knowledge, emphasizes the co-existence of the mind, body, and emotions, highlighting the relevance of embodied awareness in healthy relational and cultural dynamics.
Karl Albrecht’s five major dimensions of social intelligence—summarized by the acronym SPACE—offer a simple, clear, and memorable framework. These dimensions have been slightly adapted here to reflect the needs and dynamics of networked contexts.
Situational Radar: The ability to accurately assess and interpret situations, understand the social context, and skillfully adapt the way we engage in order to be effective relationally. This is about perceptiveness, adaptability, and cultural fluency.
Presence: The expression of our internal sense of self, so that those around us can perceive our confidence, vitality, and dignity. This embodiment is essential for nervous system co-regulation and sets the stage for psychological safety.
Authenticity: Behaving in ways that we and others perceive as honest with ourselves as well as others. This is fundamental for building trust and navigating conflict.
Clarity: The ability to express oneself clearly and communicate emotions, explain concepts, and share ideas. This is about using language, gestures, and body language to communicate in ways that others can understand. It sets the stage for taking perspectives and exploring different worldviews.
Empathy: The ability to understand others’ feelings and our own emotional states so that we can create connections as we engage. This is about inviting people to feel seen and come closer. It sets the stage for finding common ground and moving together in harmony.
“We could remember ourselves back into healthy communities and civil society. But we’ll need one more important thing – we need places to learn, places to engage and practice.”
If we can develop the ability to effectively navigate and negotiate complex social relationships and environments, then it is possible that we could find ways to live well together on this one planet of ours. With curiosity, generosity, and willingness, we could reclaim the wisdom our ancestors knew. We could remember ourselves back into healthy communities and civil society. But we’ll need one more important thing – we need places to learn, places to engage and practice. Not on our own with our phones, but together in real life, face-to-face and embodied.
Why is social intelligence so important?
As relationship expert Esther Perel says, “The quality of our relationships determines the quality of our lives.”
At the heart of strong relationships is social intelligence—the ability to interact effectively with others in any situation. Coach and trainer Geeva Samynathan calls it “the invisible thread that weaves through our daily interactions, influencing everything from our personal relationships to our professional success.” Social intelligence helps us read emotional cues, respond appropriately in different contexts, and navigate the complexity of our social world with care and awareness.
We’ve all seen it in action. Some people move through life with an ease that puts others at ease. They can strike up conversation anywhere, adapt to the moment, and create space for openness and trust.
Others struggle to relate. They may miss verbal, nonverbal, or contextual cues—the subtle signals that help us know when someone is open to engaging or ready to move on. They might speak in ways that feel off, or have trouble seeing from someone else’s perspective.
This kind of awareness—of other people’s needs, emotions, and perspectives—is especially important when working across cultures, capacities, and lived experiences. It also includes recognizing neurodiversity. Many neurodivergent individuals bring unique relational strengths, yet their ways of connecting may not align with dominant social norms. Misreading these differences can perpetuate the very disconnection we seek to overcome. That’s why intentional practice is essential. Bridging these gaps takes more than goodwill, it takes skill, and space to build it.
“Social intelligence isn’t a fixed trait or innate gift. It’s a trainable capacity. ”
Social intelligence isn’t a fixed trait or innate gift. It’s a trainable capacity. We all have the ability to grow in how we relate, listen, and respond. Like any form of intelligence, it develops through attention, feedback, and repetition—ideally in environments designed to support that growth.
That’s the opportunity networks and communities can offer. Networks have the potential to be more than spaces for strategic coordination—they can become places of learning and growth, fertile ground for developing the social intelligence we so urgently need. When designed with intention, they offer opportunities to slow down, reflect, and carefully shape change while holding a bigger picture. Much like a dojo, they invite ongoing practice: to stretch, stumble, and strengthen our capacity to relate with honesty and care.
In this way, networks become social dojos—spaces where vulnerability, curiosity, and courageous engagement are welcomed. Where people from different paths, identities, and ways of being come together to learn through experience rather than instruction. Where we practice staying with complexity and difference, and discover how to co-create communities that are greater than the sum of their parts.
Rebuilding Social Intelligence, Together
In a time when disconnection is easier than ever, we need more than good intentions—we need spaces to practice being in relationship. We need collective environments where trust, vulnerability, and complexity can be navigated with skill and care. That’s the deeper promise of networks.
When convened with intention, networks become more than channels for information or coordination. They can become social dojos; spaces for relational learning, where people come to listen deeply, navigate differences, and train in the kind of social intelligence our world is calling for. They give us a chance to rebuild the relational muscles that help us connect across divides and move from fragmentation to new collective futures.
But how do we make this real?
It starts with the people who shape these spaces—network leaders, facilitators, and conveners.
In Part Two, we’ll explore how the SPACE framework—Situational radar, Presence, Authenticity, Clarity, and Empathy—can serve as a powerful tool for building social intelligence in networks. We’ll share ways these core capacities can be practiced, modeled, and cultivated across network life to grow the conditions for trust, creativity, and collaboration.
Because a better world begins not just with new ideas—but with reimagined ways of being together in the dojo.
References
Cole, S. W. (2014). Human Social Genomics. PLoS Genetics, 10(8), e1004601.
Cohen, S., Doyle, W. J., Skoner, D. P., Rabin, B. S., & Gwaltney, J. M. (1997). Social ties and susceptibility to the common cold. JAMA, 277(24), 1940–1944.
Goleman, D. (2006). Social Intelligence: The New Science of Human Relationships. Bantam Books.
Pew Research Center. (2018). Teens, Social Media & Technology. View Report
Porges, S. W. (2011). The Polyvagal Theory: Neurophysiological Foundations of Emotions, Attachment, Communication, Self-Regulation. W. W. Norton & Company.
Putnam, R. D. (2000). Bowling Alone: The Collapse and Revival of American Community. Simon & Schuster.
Salami, M. (2020). Sensuous Knowledge: A Black Feminist Approach for Everyone. Amistad.
Turkle, S. (2015). Reclaiming Conversation: The Power of Talk in a Digital Age. Penguin Press.
Perel, E. (n.d.). “The quality of our relationships determines the quality of our lives.” EstherPerel.com
Samynathan, G. (n.d.). “The invisible thread that weaves through our daily interactions...” GeevaSamynathan.com
Gardner, H. (1983). Frames of Mind: The Theory of Multiple Intelligences. Basic Books.
Boyatzis, R. E. (2008). Competencies in the 21st century. Journal of Management Development, 27(1), 5–12.